AFTERWARDS

You remember what it wasn't
and you forget what it was

You long for the familiar
while reaching for the unknown

Caught by the magic 
that was the beginning
You stand helplessly before
the mediocre present

You think of the soft sea
of his blue eyes
and the dark storm 
of his frowns

You can't remember driving away
only being gone

You want to go back
(you can't go back)
You want to try
(what's the point?)
You want to make it alright
(it can never be alright)

You think about the good times
And you wonder
When they got so few and far between

You know you loved
beyond all love
So how did it come down 
to this?

You feel as though 
your best friend died
just when you needed him
the most

You hold on to the good
and let go of the bad
And try to find some peace
in that

It was over
(you can't go back)
You did your best
(it was never enough)
You know you tried
(did you did you)

You remember how he
held you when you cried
But not when the 
laughter ended

You need to let go
so you can go on
And you need to go on
so you can let go

You said goodbye
but you can't remember 
what day it was
or even what month
Just that it was long before
you physically 
moved away.

You know about fairytales
but you still believed

And in the memories
of the years
and tears
and love
would you have
it differently

Except of course
the ending

You want to say
I'm sorry
(you are you are)
You want to say
I love you
(you do you always will)
You want to smile
(maybe one day..one day)

And on this day
you'll cry
Cause it's afterwards
and
it's over
and
i's all in the past now

But the feelings 
just don't know that.

-----September 24, 1997