Group W Bench Poetry -cariadtara

Cariad

Beyond
On my fingertips I feel you
Going no further
Yet, never coming closer
So illusive my love
I feel your body when you lay near
I know it is you
For I feel the warmth of your nakedness
But where is your heart
Floating above and beyond
Into the arms of another
I don't ask
I don't want to know
The truth
Always seems to cause pain
For me
For you
You seem beyond the pain
Beyond the hurt
Beyond into the arms of another

Fade to White
The white walls are harsh
My eyes close
It is you I see
It is you I focus upon
I look for sanity
I look for the rational
I look for me
I think I must be hiding in your eyes
For you see me
And I can't find me
You tell me I am beautiful
You tell me I am kind, gentle
You love me, my qualities
But they elude me
They disapate as my eyes open
My vision blurs
My eyes strain to focus
But I've lost everything
Nothing to focus on
Not even you
For you have disappeared
Into the white wall you faded
My qualities taken from me
You stole them
They faded with you
Into the whiteness all is gone

Hope
False hopes
Smashed dreams
Lay at my feet
In a pool of tears
Waiting for the hope
It always appears
It some small form
A child
A prayer
A desire
It comes
Rescuing the soul
From dark thoughts
Thoughts of Dread
Desperation
Defeat
The wait terminal
The wait necessary
It comes
From the blindside
It appears
Relief washes over
Razor laid aside
Tears roll down
One last bit of sanity
Grasped
Held close
Safe
For now safe

Invasion
They come knocking
Smiles so broad
The sword hidden
Behind their back
Up the sleeve
Hidden, but not forgotten
Hidden, but so close
They want in
They want to hear
They want to invade
Once again they want to invade
With hidden armaments
In they come
No door could stop them
No wall high enough
Their aim so accurate
So precise
As it slowly peirces
The pain so intense
Glee shines in their eyes
Pain their aphrodisiac
My pain precisely
The body dead
Buy they are not finished
It is my soul they want
It is total death
For total satisifaction
But the battle continues
I am not ready to die, yet

Standing Alone
I can't stand how I feel
I can't stand who I feel
I can't stand on my own two feet
For I am standing alone
Scared and crying
Standing alone
Feigning a strength
A strength that I desire
Yet, can not find
A desire that is lost
The harder I look
The more illusive it becomes
The more illusive
The more despondant
The more desperate
The more scared
Scared and alone
Alone on my own two feet

Full Circle
And it is back to you
Full Circle
Love Desire Want Need
It all comes back to you
You haunt me
You follow me
All day you are there
I am consumed by madness
Madness caused by you
Into the night you float
So unassuming
So free
Into my head you come
Seeping into my dreams
Till I wake to find you
Full Circle

Butterfly Net
You flew into my life like a butterfly
Barely touching, but felt
I had to have you
I didn't care the cost
I didn't care the pain
I had to have you
I pulled out my net
I tried to capture you
You flew
But I was faster
I caught you
I caged you
Then like a prize I pinned you down
You died
Now all I have is the carcass of the beauty you once bestowed upon me
And the pain
The pain that is the price
The price of owning you
But now it is I who pays
You have gone on to higher
And I am left behind
Left with the shell of what could have been
Left behind with the regret
the remorse
Left behind with my Butterfly net

Country of Orgin
In a country not of orgin
In a country so cold
She forges
Through the bitterness
She forges
The country gives nothing
She takes nothing
Loyalty Love Virtue
From there she came
Prejudice Discrimination Rejection
Her new home
So lonely her heart
So empty her soul
Bur she forges
Refusing to lose to a country
A country so unaccepting
The light in her eyes won't dim
They can't extinguish her
For in her heart she hold hope
A hope that one day she will return
Return to the place she calls home
A home in her Country of Orgin

No More
Looking back I can see
I looked the wrong way
For it was you I was looking at
It was you I thought I needed
Only from you could I find me
You told me I was strong
I felt a powerful strength
You told me I was lovely
I felt beautiful
You told me who I was
I let you define me
For I didn't know me
So, I became willing
Willing to let you
You, a stranger, define me
Define my beliefs
My moods
My needs
NO MORE
You have once again taught me
Taught me a lesson already learned
Learned from years of pain
Pain caused by others
Others who tried to define me
NO MORE
The definition has to be mine
I may not be able to read it yet
But from me it has to come
I have to find my strength
Find its definition
They are my boundaries
My limitations
For if I am to have limits
Let it be me who places them
For you don't know me
So, NO MORE
You can't have that power
You can't have that control
It is mine
For me and me alone
I will look within
What I may find I don't know
I use to fear this
But NO MORE
For the difinition I find
It can be no worse then yours
It has to be better
For in your definition I find I lack
I can't reach your standards
I use to want to reach them
But NO MORE
I will be the one to define
I will be the one to satisfy
I will be ME

Untitled
Jealousy
Anger
Words best left unspoken
Said
Tears flow
Days are passing
The gap widens
The bridge too short
I can't get in
You start to build another barrier
I say Sorry
You place another brick up
I plead for you to just listen
Another brick is laid
I don't want to lose you
Brick
I don't want to lose our friendship
BRick
Please listen to me
BRIck
I never wanted to cause you pain
BRICk
I promise I never meant to hurt you
BRICK
Please Hear Me
BRICK
I love you
B R I C K
The wall is complete
My words the cement
I know I will never get through
Through the wall
or through to you

My laugh so hideous once again screeches in my ears
They begin to bleed
As does my heart
for a friendship
so easily cast away
Thrown to the ground
To rot and mold
The beauty that had bloomed
now withers
I held my hand towards you
I felt ice
It burned me as if it were fire
Like you, it appears one way
Then reacts another
But the river continues to flow
Friendship dies
The currents wash it away
But the memory will always remain
The memory of the smiles
the desires
the closeness
The closeness only shared with you
I begin to doubt what was shared
I begin to question the honesty
Was it really there
If the friendship,
If I, was so special,
How could you so easily let it dissipate
No final goodbyes
No closure
No you
But the river continues on
As will we
But for me,
your friendship once formed is forged within
I will think of you now and then
Perhaps with a smile
Perhaps with a tear,
But I will think of you
Goodbye my sweet

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tara, tara@fairyweb.com

Rebecca, cariad@dnaco.net